Welcome to the uproarious world of Talladega Nights:The Ballad of Ricky Bobby,where laughter takes the checkered flag! In this article,we delve into the comedic goldmine of Talladega Night quotes that have left audiences in stitches.From Ricky Bobby's iconic "If you ain't first, you're last" mantra to the hilarious banter between characters,each quote is a pit stop of humor.Join us as we rev up the engines of wit and explore the unforgettable lines that make Talladega Nights a comedy classic.
Talladega Nights Quotes:
1. “It won the Academy Award…Best movie ever made.”~Ricky Bobby
3. “We keep it on there for profiling purposes! We’ve also got The Pet Shop Boys and Seal.”~Bartender
4.“Aaaaah,Ricky Bobby!Now we shall dance.And yes,it will be a slow jam.”~Jean Girard
5. “Chip,I’m gonna come at you like a spider-monkey!”~Texas Ranger
6. “Why,if it isn’t our mangy,transient grandfather.” ~Texas Ranger
7. “What is that,a catch phraseor is that epilepsy?”—Jean Girard
8. “Girard is sitting on the pole,which is a statement of fact And in no way a comment on his sexual orientation.”~PA Announcer
9. “One of you turds is about to get smacked in the mouth!”~Texas Ranger
10.“You better shut the hell up or I’ll come over there and rip a hole in that tent!”~Texas Ranger
Talladega Nights quotes from Young Ricky Bobby:
11. “Help me Jesus!Help me Jewish God!Help me Allah!Help me Tom Cruise!Tom Cruise use your witchcraft on me to get the fire off me!Help me Oprah Winfrey!”~Ricky Bobby
12. “Chew big red,or get out of my face motherf*cker.”~Ricky Bobby
13. “This sticker is dangerous and inconvenient,but I do love Fig Newtons.”~Ricky Bobby
14. “Susan,I’ve never heard You talk like that…Are we about to get it on?Because I’m as hard as a diamond in an ice storm right now.”—Ricky Bobby
15.“I wanna go fast.I wanna go fast.”
16. “I came here to tell you one thing:come race time tomorrow,I’m coming for you.”~Ricky Bobby
17. “You can’t have two No.1s.” ~Ricky Bobby
18. “I’m just a big hairy American winning machine,you know?”–Ricky Bobby
19 “From now on,it’s Magic Man and El Diablo.”~Ricky Bobby
20. “Hang on,Baby Jesus,this is gon’ get bumpy!”~Ricky Bobby
Great Talladega Nights quotes from Ricky Bobby:
21. “You don’t understand.You don’t understand because you don’t understand liberty.You don’t understand freedom.So,you put a crack in my arm like the crack in the Liberty Bell!You hear me?” ~Ricky Bobby
22. “If you ain’t first,you’re last.”~Ricky Bobby
23. “I don’t know what to do with my hands.”~Ricky Bobby
24. “Wow.I feel like I’m in Highlander!”~Ricky Bobby
25. “I hope that both of you have sons…Handsome,beautiful,articulate sons,who are talented and star athletes and they have their legs taken away.I mean I pray you know that pain and that hurt.”~Ricky Bobby
26. “Did that blow your mind?Because that just happened!”~Ricky Bobby
27. “Are we about to get it on?Because I’m as hard as a diamond in an ice storm right now.”~Ricky Bobby
28. “Well let me just quote the late-great Colonel Sanders,who said…’I’m too drunk to taste this chicken.”~Ricky Bobby
29. “Well,let me give you a saying from Colonel Sanders.I am too drunk to taste this chicken.”~Ricky Bobby
30.“Hi,I’m Ricky Bobby.If you don’t chew Big Red,then bleep you.”–Ricky Bobby
Talladega Nights quotes from Reese Bobby:
31. Reese:"You got big.How long's it beenThree,four months?"Ricky:"Ten years."Reese:"Ten years?Man,I've gotta lay off the peyote."~Reese Bobby
32. "It’s the fastest who gets paid and it’s the fastest who gets laid."~Reese Bobby
33. “There’s nothing more frightening than driving with a live goddamn cougar next to you.”~Reese Bobby
34. “See you when you’re grown up."~Reese Bobby
35. "You gotta learn to drive with the fear,and there ain’t nothing more goddamn frightening than driving with a live cougar in the car."~Reese Bobby
36. "You don't drive with your eyes,you drive with your heart."~Reese Bobby
37. "Now, here's nothing like driving to avoid jail.Nothing hones your mind and your instincts like necessity."~Reese Bobby
38. “Hey,shut up you little pot-licker,I’ll stick you in a microwave!” ~Reese Bobby
39. “You gotta learn to drive with the fear,and there ain’t nothing more God damn frightening than driving with a live cougar in the car.”~Reese Bobby
40. "Always remember,if you ain't first,you're last."~Reese Bobby
Inspirational Talladega Nights quotes from Ricky Bobby:
41. “I wanna go fast!”~Ricky Bobby
42. “I felt like I was on a spaceship.”~Ricky Bobby
43. "Well,what do you say we get thrown out of an Applebee's?"~Ricky Bobby
44. "Please be 18."~Ricky Bobby
45. "Absolutely ma'am.I'd love to sign your baby. You're not gonna want to wash that forehead."~Ricky Bobby
46. "Susan,you got to watch it when I get into autograph mode."~Ricky Bobby
47. “I'm Ricky Bobby.If you don't chew Big Red,then f*** you."~Ricky Bobby
48. "I’m the best there is.Plain and simple.I mean I wake up in the morning,I piss excellence."~Ricky Bobby
49. "I like the Christmas Jesus best and I'm saying grace.When you say grace you can say it to grown-up Jesus,or teenage Jesus or bearded Jesus or whoever you want."~Ricky Bobby
50. "I’m just a big hairy American winning machine.If you ain't first,you're last.”~Ricky Bobby
Talladega Nights quotes from Ricky Bobby for Help:
51. "Dear 8-pound,6-ounce newborn infant Jesus,don't even know a word yet..."~Ricky Bobby
52. "It's real nice.I got it at Target.It's on sale."~Ricky Bobby
53. "Help me,Jesus!Help me,Jewish God!Help me,Allah! AH! Help me,Tom Cruise!"~Ricky Bobby
54. "Break it,Pepé Le Pew."~Ricky Bobby
55. "That idea ain't worth a velvet painting of a whale and a dolphin getting it on."~Ricky Bobby
56. "Let me just quote the late great Colonel Sanders.He said,'I'm too drunk to taste this chicken.'"~Ricky Bobby
57. "This sticker is dangerous and inconvenient,but I do love Fig Newtons."~Ricky Bobby
58. "Yep, I'm flying through the air.This is not good."~Ricky Bobby
59. "I'm on fire!"~Ricky Bobby
60. "It's in the Geneva Convention!"~Ricky Bobby
Short Talladega Nights quotes from Ricky Bobby:
61. "Tom Cruise,use your witchcraft on me to get the fire off me!”~Ricky Bobby
62. "Help me,Oprah Winfrey!"~Ricky Bobby
63. "You gotta win to get love.Everyone knows that.I mean that's just life."~Ricky Bobby
64. "The ninjas are trying to get me."~Ricky Bobby
65. "I feel like I was riding inside an asteroid or a comet or something."~Ricky Bobby
66. "Hey,I don't know why I am talking to you.Do you remember that I hate you?"~Ricky Bobby
67. "Down,Karen!Get down!Get down,Karen!"~Ricky Bobby
68. "Dear Lord baby Jesus,lying there in your little ghost manger just looking at your Baby Einstein developmental videos learning about shapes and colors..."~Ricky Bobby
69. "Everyone turn away.Things are gonna get crazy.We're gonna make animal noises."~Ricky Bobby
70. "Time to let the cougar loose."~Ricky Bobby
Talladega Nights Quotes from Cal Naughton Jr.:
71. “I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo t-shirt,cause it says,like,I want to be formal but I want to party too.Cause I like to party,so I like my Jesus to party.”~Cal Naughton Jr.
72. “We go together like cocaine and waffles.”~Cal Naughton Jr.
73. “I spread my butt cheeks as Mike Honcho.”~Cal Naughton Jr.
74. “I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo T-shirt because it says I want to be formal,but I’m here to party.”~Cal Naughton, Jr.
75. “Shake and bake!” ~ Cal Naughton Jr.
76. “I like to think of Jesus as an Ice Dancer,dressed in an all-white jumpsuit,and doing an interpretive dance of my life.”~Cal Naughton, Jr.
77. “I wet my bed until I was nineteen.There’s no shame in that.”~Cal Naughton, Jr.
78. “You’ve gotta cross over the anger bridge and come back to the friendship shore.” ~Cal Naughton Jr.
79."My head's all tied up like a pretzel.I got a pretzel in my head." ~Cal Naughton Jr.
80. "I'm the Magic Man now."~Cal Naughton Jr.
Short Quotes of Talladega Nights from Cal Naughton Jr.
81. "Abracadabra,homes"~Cal Naughton Jr.
82. "What's implication mean?"~Cal Naughton Jr.
83. "I like to party,so I like my Jesus to party."~Cal Naughton Jr.
84. "You nailed that like a split hog."~Cal Naughton Jr.
85. "I'll hold your hair."~Cal Naughton Jr.
86. "I'll just bury it down inside."~Cal Naughton Jr.
87. "Sometimes you get a knock on the head, you get special powers.It happens all the time.Read a comic book,okay?"~Cal Naughton Jr.
88. "Please don't let the invisible fire burn my friend!"~Cal Naughton Jr.
89. "When you say psychosomatic,you mean like he could start a fire with his thoughts?"~Cal Naughton Jr.
90. "It's painful,and I love you!"~Cal Naughton Jr.
Hysterical Quote From Talladega Nights:
91. “No one lives forever,no one.But with advances in modern science and my high-level income,it’s not crazy to think I can live to be maybe 300.”—Ricky Bobby
92. “Daddy,you made that grace your b*tch.”—Walker Bobby
93. “How many more times you going to toss me the radio in the bathtub?”–Lucy Bobby
94. “Jesus did grow up.”–Carley Bobby
95. “My husband Gregory and I want only that what every other couple wants:to tame komodo dragons in Sri Lanka and teach them to perform Hamlet,but before I can do that…”–Jean Girard
96. “Help me,Jesus!Help me Jewish God! Help me,Allah! AAAAAHHH!Help me Tom Cruise!Tom Cruise,use your witchcraft on me to get the fire off me!”–Ricky Bobby
97. “I like to picture my Jesus in a tuxedo T-shirt.‘Cause it says like,I wanna be formal but I’m here to party too.I like to party,so I like my Jesus to party.”—Cal Naughton, Jr.
98. “Daddy,you made that grace your b*tch.”—Walker Bobby
99. “My husband Gregory And I want what any couple wants.To retire to Stockholm And develop a currency for dogs And cats to use.”—Jean Girard
100. “I felt like I was on a spaceship.”—Ricky Bobby
Talladega Nights quotes from Carley Bobby:
101. "Hey driver!Drive these."-Carley Bobby
102. "Super's ready!Come on,y'all! I've been slaving over this for hours."-Carley Bobby
103. "Jesus did grow up."-Carley Bobby
104. "Golly,this is a hard decision,but I have thought about it,and I want the plug pulled."-Carley Bobby
105. "Got more plugs in him than a Circuit City."-Carley Bobby
Talladega Nights quotes from Jean Girard:
106. "I will let you go,Ricky,but first I want you to say, 'I love crepes.'"~Jean Girard
107."Hakuna matata,b****es."~Jean Girard
108. "Your injury is one of ignorance and pride."
109. "You have spilled my macchiato."~Jean Girard
110. "I think what you are hearing is my accent."~Jean Girard
111. "My husband Gregory and I wish for only that which every couple wish for,to retire to Stockholm and design a currency for dogs and cats to use."~Jean Girard
112. "God needs the devil.The Beatles needed the Rolling Stones.Even Diane Sawyer needed Katie Couric.Will you be my Katie Couric?"~Jean Girard
113. "Now we shall dance,and yes,it will be a slow jam."~Jean Girard
114. "And now the matador shall dance with the blind shoemaker."~Jean Girard
115. "By defeating me today,you have set me free."
116. "Sir,you taste of America."~Jean Girard
117. "Why did you stop the jazz music?Was it not pleasant for you?"~Jean Girard
118. “Like the frightened baby chipmunk,you are scared by anything that is different.”~Jean Girard
119.“May God be with you,Monsieur Bobby.Because although today I am friendly.Tomorrow will be war!” ~Jean Girard
120.“Why do you want me to break your arm so badly?”–Jean Girard
121. “But before I can do that I must be beaten by a driver who is truly better than me.”–Jean Girard
Talladega Nights quotes from Lucy Bobby:
122. “I don’t care,I’m having a baby!”-Lucy Bobby
123. "Now I am declaring Granny Law and if you do not obey Granny Law, I will paint your back porch red."-Lucy Bobby
124. "How many more times you going to toss me the radio in the bathtub?"-Lucy Bobby
125. "Oh,gooder than grits."-Lucy Bobby
Talladega Nights quotes from Susan & Texas Ranger (T.R.):
126. "I'm sorry.It's my fault.I shouldn't have been standing."~Susan
127. "Chip,I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey."~Susan
128. "I'm all jacked up on Mountain Dew."~Texas Ranger
129. "Grandfather,can't we resolve this conflict without anger?"~Texas Ranger
130. “Old man,I’m gonna come at you like a spider monkey!” ~Texas Ranger
131. “Why,if it isn’t our mangy,transient grandfather.”–Texas Ranger
132. “You better shut the hell up or I’ll come over there and rip a hole in that tent!”–Texas Ranger
133. “One of you turds is about to get smacked in the mouth!”–Texas Ranger
Talladega Nights quotes from Glenn & Lucius Washington:
134. "It’s not always bad to be in last place.Here’s some things we can focus on.1.We tried hard and 2. We’re still dear friends."-Glenn
135. “Sorry Lucius,but it’s a hard habit to break,like stalking an ex-girlfriend.” — Glenn
136. "Sorry Lucius,but it's a hard habit to break,like stalking an ex-girlfriend."-Glenn
137. "Don't you put that evil on me,Ricky Bobby!Don't you put that on us!You are NOT paralyzed!"~Lucius Washington
138. "We'll use this knife to pry it out!"(trying to remove a knife in Ricky's leg)~Lucius Washington
139. “No,I don’t know what that means,I guess longer lives.” ~Lucius Washington
140. “Don’t you put that evil on me,Ricky Bobby!”~Lucius Washington
In the checkered flag finale of our exploration into Talladega Night quotes,it's clear that the laughter echoes far beyond the racetrack.These quotes,like turbocharged punchlines,have fueled the enduring hilarity of this cinematic gem.As we park our comedic engine,let these memorable lines linger like the scent of burning rubber.Whether it's "shake and bake" or the wisdom of Ricky Bobby,these quotes have etched themselves into the annals of comedy history,leaving us all in the winner's circle of humor.
By:QuotidianVerse Team.
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