Welcome to a laughter-packed adventure!Get ready to embark on a joyous journey filled with rib-tickling moments and sidesplitting humor.In this collection of hilarious funny jokes,we've curated the wittiest gems to tickle your funny bone.From clever quips to witty one-liners,these jokes are guaranteed to evoke hearty laughter.Whether you're a seasoned joke enthusiast or just looking to brighten your day,our handpicked selection is sure to leave you grinning from ear to ear.Brace yourself for a laughter extravaganza like never before!
Hilarious Funny quotes:1. “No man goes before his time—unless the boss leaves early.”
2. “I choose a lazy person to do a hard job,because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.”
3. “If you think your boss is stupid,remember:you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.”
4. “Doing nothing is very hard to do…you never know when you’re finished.”
5. “The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.”
6. “Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.”
7. "It’s a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work.He can’t eat for eight hours;he can’t drink for eight hours;he can’t make love for eight hours.The only thing a man can do for eight hours is work.”
8. “I like work; it fascinates me.I can sit and look at it for hours.”
Hilarious funny quotes about life:
9. “The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.”
10. “If hard work is the key to success,most people would rather pick the lock.”
11. “Getting paid to sleep…that’s my dream job.”
12. “Son,if you really want something in this life,you have to work for it.Now quiet!They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.”
13. “There’s no business like show business,but there are several businesses like accounting.”
14. “Time is an illusion.Lunchtime is doubly so.”
15. “It’s just a job.Grass grows,birds fly,waves pound the sand. I beat people up.”
16. "A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A.,M.D.,or Ph.D.Unfortunately,they don’t have a J.O.B."
Hilarious funny quotes for friends:
17. “When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work,ask him:‘Whose?'”
18. “When I was 16 I worked in a pet store,and they fired me because...they had three snakes,and one day I braided them.”
19. “I used to work at McDonald’s making minimum wage.You know what that means? You know what your boss was trying to say? It’s like,‘Hey if I could pay you less,I would,but it’s against the law.’”
20. “A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.”
22. “Gentlemen, you can't fight in here.This is the war room.”—President Merkin Muffley (Peter Sellers) ,Dr.Strangelove
23. “My mother always used to say:The older you get,the better you get,unless you’re a banana.”—Rose (Betty White),The Golden Girls
24. “Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season.That’s for women.The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve.”—David Letterman
Hilarious funny quotes about aging:
25. “Before you criticize someone,you should walk a mile in their shoes.That way when you criticize them,you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”—Jack Handey
26. Bob: “Looks like you've been missing a lot of work lately.”
Peter: “I wouldn't say I've been missing it,Bob.”—Bob (Paul Wilson) and Peter (Ron Livingston),Office Space
27. “Clothes make the man.Naked people have little or no influence in society.”—Mark Twain
28. “Before you marry a person,you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.”
—Will Ferrell
29. “I love being married.It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”—Rita Rudner
30. “I’m not superstitious,but I am a little stitious.”—Michael Scott
31. “Ned,I would love to stand here and talk with you—but I’m not going to.”—Phil Connors (Bill Murray),Groundhog Day
32. “When your mother asks,‘Do you want a piece of advice?’it is a mere formality.It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no.You’re going to get it anyway.”—Erma Bombeck
Hilarious funny quotes about marriage:
33. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford.Then I want to move in with them.”—Phyllis Diller
34. “Never follow anyone else’s path.Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path.Then by all means follow that path.”—Ellen DeGeneres
35. “Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’”—Anonymous
36. “Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine.You can’t do it in one push;you got to rock it back and forth a few times,and then it goes over.”—Jerry (Jerry Seinfeld), Seinfeld
37. “I walk around like everything’s fine,but deep down,inside my shoe,my sock is sliding off.”—Anonymous
38. “I haven't spoken to my wife in years.I didn't want to interrupt her.”—Rodney Dangerfield
39.“The cure for boredom is curiosity.There is no cure for curiosity.” ~ Dorothy Parker
40. “If I’m not back in five minutes,just wait longer.”—Ace Ventura (Jim Carrey)
Short hilarious funny quotes:
41. “I used to sell furniture for a living.The trouble was,it was my own.”—Les Dawson
42. “There’s nothing wrong with you that an expensive operation can’t prolong.”—Surgeon (Graham Chapman),Monty Python’s Flying Circus
43. “Someone asked me,if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring:‘How to Build a Boat.’”—Steven Wright
44. Ted Striker: “Surely you can’t be serious.” Dr.Rumack: “I am serious.And don’t call me Shirley”—Ted Striker (Robert Hays) and Dr.Rumack (Leslie Nielsen), Airplane!
45.“There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.”―Mindy Kaling,Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?
46. “You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor,instead of by the police.”—Joan Rivers
47. “Truth hurts.Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing,but it hurts.”—Lt.Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen),Naked Gun 2½:The Smell of Fear
48. “My Mama says that alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush.”—Bobby Boucher (Adam Sandler),The Waterboy
Hilarious funny clever quotes and sayings:
49. “Marriage is like an unfunny,tense version of Everybody Loves Raymond,but it doesn’t last 22 minutes.It lasts forever.”—Pete (Paul Rudd),Knocked Up
50. “I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.”—Jimmy Kimmel
51. “Being a mom means never buying the right amount of produce.Either everyone suddenly loves grapes and a week’s worth are eaten in one afternoon,or fruit flies are congregating around my rotting bananas.”—Lessons from the Minivan
52. “I’m not insane.My mother had me tested.”—Sheldon Cooper (Jim Parsons),The Big Bang Theory
53. “There are only three ages for women in Hollywood:babe,district attorney and Driving Miss Daisy.”—Elise (Goldie Hawn),The First Wives Club
54. Usher: “Bride or groom?”
Wedding guest: “It should be perfectly obvious I’m neither!”—Four Weddings and a Funeral
55. “I saw a study that said speaking in front of a crowd is considered the number one fear of the average person.Number two was death.This means to the average person,if you have to be at a funeral,you would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.”—Jerry Seinfeld
56. Lucy: “There's just two things keeping me from dancing in that show.”
Fred: “Your feet?”
—Lucy (Lucille Ball) and Fred Mertz (William Frawley),I Love Lucy
Hilarious funny quotes about parenting:
57. “Common sense is like deodorant.The people who need it most never use it.”—Anonymous
58. Coach: “How’s a beer sound,Norm?”
Norm: “I don't know,I usually finish before they get a word in.”—Coach (Nicholas Colasanto) and Norm (George Wendt),Cheers
59. “If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet,I wouldn’t be more surprised.” —Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase),National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation
60. “Money cannot buy health,but I'd settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.”—Dorothy Parker
61. “You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor,instead of by the police.”—Joan Rivers
62. “The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.”—Clairee Belcher (Olivia Dukakis),Steel Magnolias
63. “I’m at a place in my life when errands are starting to count as going out.”—Anonymous
64. “A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi,never be attracted by a bargain.”—Graham Norton
Hilarious funny quotes about work:
65. “I’m not good at the advice.Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?”—Chandler (Matthew Perry), Friends
66. “Here’s all you have to know about men and women:Women are crazy,men are stupid.And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.”—George Carlin
67. “When I'm in social situations,I always hold onto my glass.It makes me feel comfortable and secure and I don't have to shake hands.”—Larry (Larry David),Curb Your Enthusiasm
68. “As you get older,three things happen.The first is your memory goes,and I can’t remember the other two.”—Sir Norman Wisdom
69. “That’s why New York is so great,though.Everyone you care about can despise you and you can still find a bagel so good,nothing else matters.Who needs love when you’ve got lox? They both stink,but only one tastes good.”—Midge Maisel (Rachel Brosnahan),The Marvelous Mrs.Maisel
70. “A day without sunshine is like,you know,night.”—Steve Martin
71. “Someone asked me,if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring:‘How to Build a Boat.’”—Steven Wright
72. “People say nothing is impossible,but I do nothing every day.”~A.A.Milne
Hilarious funny inspirational quotes:
73.“People kept saying‘Go Corona’and it went to other countries to spread across the globe.”~Invajy
74. “Light travels faster than sound.This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.”~Alan Dundes
75. “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”~Abraham Lincoln
76. A woman is like a tea bag–you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.”~Eleanor Roosevelt
77. “Men marry women with the hope they will never change.Women marry men with the hope they will change.Invariably they are both disappointed. ”~Albert Einstein
78. “At every party there are two kinds of people–those who want to go home and those who don’t.The trouble is,they are usually married to each other.”~Ann Landers
79. “All right everyone,line up alphabetically according to your height.”~ Casey Stengel
80. “My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.”~Caroline Rhea
Hilarious funniest quotes of all time:
81. “Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to‘fall asleep right now.’”~Anonymous
82. “The cure for boredom is curiosity.There is no cure for curiosity.”~Dorothy Parker
83. “A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.”~W.C.Fields
84. “I haven’t spoken to my wife in years.I didn’t want to interrupt her.”~Rodney Dangerfield
85. “My opinions may have changed,but not the fact that I’m right.”~Ashleigh Brilliant
86. “Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.”~Benjamin Franklin
87. “Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?”~Benny Hill
88. “Be who you are and say what you feel,because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”~Bernard Baruch
Cute hilarious funny quotes:
89. “Life is hard;it’s harder if you’re stupid.”~John Wayne
90. “Most people would sooner die than think;in fact,they do so.”~Bertrand Russell
91. “If you’re going to tell people the truth,be funny or they’ll kill you.”~Billy Wilde
92. “If I were two-faced,would I be wearing this one?”~Abraham Lincoln
93. “He who laughs last didn’t get the joke.”~Charles de Gaulle
94. “My doctor gave me six months to live,but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more.”~Walter Matthau
95. “A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.”~H.L.Mencken
96. “I always arrive late at the office,but I make up for it by leaving early.”~Charles Lamb
Hilarious funny love quotes:
97. “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today.It is already tomorrow in Australia.”~Charles M.Schulz
98. “By the time a man realizes that his father was right,he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.”~Charles Wadsworth
99. “High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead.”~Christopher Morley
100. “Don’t cry because it’s over.Smile because it happened.”~Dr.Seuss
101. “It’s important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle.”–Unknown
102. “We don’t grow old.When we cease to grow, we become old.”–Ralph Waldo Emerson
103. “Age is an issue of mind over matter.If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”–Mark Twain
104. “You’re not as young as you used to be.But you’re not as old as you’re going to be.”–Irish Saying
Hilarious funny birthday quotes:
105. “You’re in mint condition for a vintage model.Happy Birthday.”–Catherine Pulsifer
106. “You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.”–Bob Hope
107. “After 30,a body has a mind of its own.”–Bette Midler
108. “You’re not forty,you’re eighteen with twenty-two years experience.”–Unknown
109. “Forget about the past,you can’t change it.Forget about the future,you can’t predict it.And forget about the present,I didn’t get you one.Happy birthday!”–Unknown
110. Percent.Unless the job is a statistician.”—Adam Gropman
111. “Does it disturb anyone else that‘The Los Angeles Angels’baseball team translates directly to‘The The Angels Angels’?”—Neil DeGrasse Tyson
112. “I never forget a face—but in your case,I’ll be glad to make an exception.”—Groucho Marx
Hilarious funny quotes about work:
113. “Here’s something to think about:How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?”—Jay Leno
114. “My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start.So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake.I feel better already.”—Dave Barry
115. “Never do anything out of hunger.Not even eating.”—Frank Semyon (Vince Vaughn),True Detective
116. “What do you mean,he don't eat no meat? That's okay,that's okay.I make lamb.”—Aunt Voula (Andrea Martin),My Big Fat Greek Wedding
117. “You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.”—George Burns
118. “To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!”—Wanda (Jamie Lee Curtis),A Fish Called Wanda
119. “Instead of the mahi mahi,may I just get the one mahi because I’m not that hungry?”—Shelley Darlingson (Anna Faris),The House Bunny
120. “Accept who you are.Unless you’re a serial killer.”—Ellen DeGeneres
Hilarious funny quotes for yearbook:
121. Francois: “Do you know what kind of a bomb it was?”
Clouseau: “The exploding kind.”
—Francois (André Maranne) and Inspector Clouseau (Peter Sellers),The Pink Panther Strikes Again
122. “My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.”—Tina Fey, Bossypants
123. “There is one word that describes people that don't like me:Irrelevant.”—Anonymous
124. “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”—Robin Williams
125. “I remember it like it was yesterday.Of course,I don’t really remember yesterday all that well.”—Dory (Ellen DeGeneres),Finding Dory
126. “I don’t have to take this abuse from you;I’ve got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.”—Dr.Peter Venkman (Bill Murray),Ghostbusters
127. Police officer: “Pull over.”
Harry: “No,it’s a cardigan.But thanks for noticing.”—Harry Dunne (Jeff Daniels),Dumb and Dumber
128. “I grew up with six brothers.That's how I learned to dance:waiting for the bathroom.”—Bob Hope
Hilarious funny quotes about family:
129. “If we’re going to pay this much for crab,it better sing and dance and introduce us to the Little Mermaid.”—Claire Foster (Tina Fey),Date Night
130. “Woke up today.It was terrible.”—Grumpy Cat
131. “I prefer not to think before speaking.I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.”—Anonymous
132. “Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.”—Mark Twain
133. “Eggs are fantastic for a fitness diet.If you don’t like the taste,just add cocoa,flour,sugar,butter,baking powder and cook at 350 for 30 minutes.”—Anonymous
134. “I can’t end my messages with Love,Shaq because the B-52s ruined that for me.”—Meme attributed to Shaquille O’Neal
135. “My husband and I fell in love at first sight.Maybe I should have taken a second look.”—Halley Reed (Mia Farrow),Crimes and Misdemeanors
136. “Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare.They are consumed in 12 minutes.Half-times take 12 minutes.This is not a coincidence.”—Erma Bombeck
Hilarious funny best friend quotes:
137. “Insanity runs in my family.It practically gallops.”—Mortimer Brewster (Cary Grant),Arsenic and Old Lace
138. Brian: “Look,you've got it all wrong.You don't need to follow me.You don't need to follow anybody.You've got to think for yourselves.You're all individuals.”
Crowd: “Yes,we’re all individuals!”
Individual: “I’m not!”
—Brian (Graham Chapman) and cast,Monty Python’s Life of Brian
139. “Why can't you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back later like a normal person?”—Lillian (Maya Rudolph), Bridesmaids
140. “Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.”—Oscar Wilde
141. “What they could do to make it easier is combine the two,real estate and obituaries:Mr.Klein died today leaving a wife,two children,and a spacious three-bedroom apartment with a wood-burning fireplace.”—Harry (Billy Crystal),When Harry Met Sally
142. “The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands.It's a good non-specific symptom;I'm a big believer in it.A lot of people will tell you that a good phony fever is a dead lock,but you get a nervous mother,you could wind up in a doctor's office.That's worse than school.You fake a stomach cramp,and when you're bent over,moaning and wailing,you lick your palms.It's a little childish and stupid,but then,so is high school.”—Ferris Bueller (Matthew Broderick),Ferris Bueller's Day Off
143. “I like my money where I can see it:hanging in my closet.”—Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker),
144. “You are really pushing my buttons today.”Becky: “Which one is 'mute'?”—Waitress,the Musical
Hilarious funny work quotes about motivation:
145. “The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your credit card from your purse.”—Anonymous
146. “People say, ‘But Betty,Facebook is a great way to connect with old friends.’Well,at my age,if I want to connect with old friends I need a Ouija board.”—Betty White
147. “My therapist says I'm afraid of success. I guess I could understand that,because after all,fulfilling my potential would really cut into my sitting-around time.”—Maria Bamford
148. “From the ages of eight to 18,me and my family moved around a lot.Mostly we would just stretch,but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.”—Jarod Kintz
149. “Money cannot buy health,but I'd settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.”—Dorothy Parker
150. “Trying is the first step toward failure.”—Homer Simpson,The Simpsons
151. “The whole purpose of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee.Short,tall,light,dark,caf,decaf,low-fat,non-fat.So people who don’t know what they’re doing,or who on earth they are can,for only $2.95,get not just a cup of coffee but an absolutely defining sense of self.”—Joe Fox (Tom Hanks),You’ve Got Mail
152. “Good parenting means investing in your child's future,which is why I am saving to buy mine a hoverboard someday.”—Lin-Manuel Miranda
Hilarious funny work quotes about appreciating your job:
153. “I love airports because the rules of society don’t apply.Eat a pizza and have a glass of wine at 7 am while in track pants.Nobody cares.”—Anonymous
154. “Outside of a dog,a book is man’s best friend.Inside of a dog,it’s too dark to read.”—Groucho Marx
155. “I’m one stomach flu away from my goal weight.”—Emily Charlton (Emily Blunt),The Devil Wears Prada
156. “My perfect beautiful miracle baby? Never slept.Ever.Never.Twelve years later the memories of those nights,of that sleep deprivation,still make me rock back and forth a little bit.You want to torture someone? Hand them an adorable baby they love who doesn’t sleep.”—Shonda Rimes
157. “I’d like to have a kid,but I’m not sure I’m ready to spend 10 years of my life constantly asking someone where his shoes are.”—Damien Fahey
158. “Why yes,I can carry on a conversation made up entirely of movie quotes.”—Anonymous
159. “I’m sure wherever my Dad is,he’s looking down on us.He’s not dead, just very condescending.”—Jack Whitehall
160. “I like long walks,especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”—Noel Coward
Hilarious funny work quotes about appreciating your job:
161. “I have a lot of growing up to do.I realized that the other day inside my fort.”—Zach Galifianakis
162. “You are only young once,but you can be immature for a lifetime.Happy birthday!”–Unknown
163. "There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it."―Mindy Kaling
164. "Life is short.Drive fast and leave a sexy corpse.That's one of my mottos."—Stanley Hudson, The Office
165. "I always cook with wine.Sometimes I even add it to the food."—W.C.Fields
166. "People say money is not the key to happiness,but I have always figured if you have enough money,you can have a key made."—Joan Rivers
167. "Do not take life too seriously.You will never get out of it alive."—Elbert Hubbard
168. "I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it."―Mae West
Hilarious funny work quotes about business and sales:
169. "Sometimes you lie in bed at night and you don't have a single thing to worry about.That always worries me!"—Charlie Brown
170. "You only live once,but if you do it right,once is enough."―Mae West
171. "The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds,and the pessimist fears this is true."—James Branch Cabell
172. "I'm killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness."―Bill Watterson
173. "If at first you don't succeed,try,try again.Then quit.No use being a damn fool about it."―W.C.Fields
174. "I love mankind...it's people I can't stand!!"―Charles M.Schulz
175. "I think God,in creating man,somewhat overestimated his ability."―Oscar Wilde
176. "Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy.Both.I want people to be afraid of how much they love me."—Michael Scott,The Office
Hilarious funny work quotes about staying focused:
177."Two things are infinite:the universe and human stupidity.And I'm not sure about the universe."―Albert Einstein
178. "When life gives you lemons,squirt someone in the eye."―Cathy Guisewite
179. "Life is pleasant.Death is peaceful.It's the transition that's troublesome."―Isaac Asimov
180. "I drink to make other people more interesting."—Ernest Hemingway
181. "When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone.Now I realize I should have been more specific."—Lily Tomlin
182. "I have a lot of growing up to do.I realized that the other day inside my fort."—Zach Galifianakis
183. "I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs.That's all I've ever wanted."—Kevin Malone,The Office
184."Whenever I'm about to do something,I think,'Would an idiot do that?'And if they would,I do not do that thing."—Dwight Schrute,The Office
Hilarious funny work quotes about the weekend:
185. "Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well."—Mark Twain
186. "I'm not crazy—I've just been in a very bad mood for 40 years."—Ouiser Boudreaux, Steel Magnolias
187. "Well,you know what they say:If you don't have anything nice to say about anybody,come sit by me."—Clairee Belcher,Steel Magnolias
188. "A woman is like a tea bag:You can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water."—Eleanor Roosevelt
189. "Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo,but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down."—Oprah Winfrey
190. "Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy."—Benjamin Franklin
191. "Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good.Luckily,this is not difficult."—Charlotte Whitton
192. "When you're in jail,a good friend will be trying to bail you out.A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying,'Damn,that was fun.'"―Groucho Marx
Hilarious funny alcohol sayings quotes:
193. "I'm not offended by blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb.And I also know that I'm not blonde."—Dolly Parton
194. "I like my money where I can see it:hanging in my closet."—Carrie Bradshaw,Sex and the City
195. "Crying is for plain women.Pretty women go shopping."—Blanche Devereaux,The Golden Girls
196. "The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness.Think of your three best friends.If they're OK,then it's you."—Rita Mae Brown
197."My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem.But they don't really know me."—Garry Shandling
198. "People waste their time pondering whether a glass is half empty or half full.Me,I just drink whatever's in the glass."—Sophia Petrillo,The Golden Girls
199. "I don't care what they say about me.I just want to eat."—Pam Beesly,The Office
200. "No man goes before his time—unless the boss leaves early."—Groucho Marx
Inspiring hilarious funny quotes:
201. "Don't waste so much time thinking about how much you weigh.There is no more mind-numbing,boring,idiotic,self-destructive diversion from the fun of living."—Meryl Streep
202. "Even I don't wake up looking like Cindy Crawford."—Cindy Crawford
203. "I don't trust anyone who does their own hair.I don't think it's natural."—Truvy Jones,Steel Magnolias
204. "The secret of staying young is to live honestly,eat slowly,and lie about your age."—Lucille Ball
205. "Honey,time marches on and eventually you realize it is marchin' across your face."—Truvy Jones,Steel Magnolias
206. "You know you've reached middle age when you're cautioned to slow down by your doctor,instead of by the police."—Joan Rivers
207. "People say,‘How you stay looking so young?’I say,well,good lighting, good doctors, and good makeup."—Dolly Parton
208. "Look,you didn't ask me for my opinion,but I'm old,so I'm giving it anyway."—Sophia Petrillo,The Golden Girls
209. "No matter how bad things get,remember these sage words:You're old,you sag,get over it."—Sophia Petrillo,The Golden Girls
210. "Age is something that doesn't matter unless you are a cheese."—Luis Buñuel
Hilarious funny quotes for students:
211. "You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there."—George Burns
212. "As you get older,three things happen.The first is your memory goes,and I can't remember the other two."—Sir Norman Wisdom
213. "Before you marry a person,you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are."—Will Ferrell
214. "Women marry men hoping they will change.Men marry women hoping they will not.So each is inevitably disappointed."
—Albert Einstein
215. "I love you no matter what you do,but do you have to do so much of it?"—Jean Illsley Clarke
216. "Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener."—Pauline Thomason
217. "Never go to bed mad.Stay up and fight."―Phyllis Diller
218. "The secret to a long marriage is to stay gone."—Dolly Parton
219. "The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it."—Shirley MacLaine
220. "Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."—Jim Carrey
As we bid farewell to this chuckle-filled journey through hilarious funny jokes,remember that laughter truly is the best medicine.In a world often filled with stress,these moments of joy are precious.We hope these jokes brought a smile to your face and brightened your day.Keep the laughter alive by sharing these gems with friends and family.Embrace the power of humor,and let it be a constant companion in your daily adventures.Until our next laugh-out-loud encounter,stay amused and spread the joy! By:QuotidianVerse Team.
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